“Don’t date crazy” is a typical admonition, but how do you spot one beforehand? We’ve all had the experience of finding out someone was less psychologically stable than we’d hoped. We’re not here talking about true mental cases, but just people whose potential disorders can shipwreck a relationship before it gets out of harbor. And relationships are a delicate matter, most affected by someone’s issues when they can still hold down a job and a reasonable place in society.
Anyway, don’t take any one of these for a total limit. But more than one on the list might be a reason to think about whether you want to keep on with this person.
#1. They’re tight-lipped secretive about their past – or even their present. Naturally, they don’t have to dump their complete biography at the first date, but a person who deflects all queries into their background may have something they don’t want you to know.
#2. Rampant substance abuse. A few drinks or even the occasional illicit substance is not what we’re talking about here. But somebody who is constantly drunk, drugged, high, or coming down is a reckless character and life with them, at the very least, will be a calamity.
#3. Their life is a constant soap opera. Some people attract drama like a picnic attracts ants. Everybody has a mishap, but the person who’s constantly flailing from one crisis to another has a life that’s skidding out of control – and it could very well be their own doing.
#4. They’re in extreme poverty. Sure, everybody has a period where they’re down on their luck, and of course not everybody is cut out for a top-dollar career. But being in debt up to their eyeballs and having the utilities turned off on random days is a sign that somebody can’t manage their lives.
#5. They try right away to convert you to their religion. That’s somebody with an ulterior motive in the first place. Then there’s the crackpot cults and beliefs, wading into even deeper territory. If they’re bringing up wild conspiracy theories or other extreme beliefs over the first cocktail, you have to wonder what it will be like to live with that.
#6. They have extreme prejudices, biases, or bigotry. The point to this is that they brought that up with you at the first date. If they’re so bigoted against a particular race, creed, or class of people that they’re just boiling over to rant at you, this is a very bad sign that something’s not right upstairs.
#7. They have wild mood swings. Going from calm and placid one minute to hyper and excited the next is a sign of any variety of mental or emotional malfunctions.
#8. They make you feel uncomfortable. If you’re getting creeped out, even if you can’t put your finger on it, your intuition might be trying to tell you something. Off-key feelings could be a sign that something very strange is going on in the background.
#9. They cling to you, and do it way too quickly. Whoa, slow down! If they’ve latched onto you like a drowning victim to a life preserver, that’s a very bad sign that they’ve driven everybody else in their life away.
Now, whether you want to go on with somebody who has an issue that you’ve confirmed from some of these warning signs is up to you. We have the wonderful age of modern medical science, where psychiatric disorders like bipolar, depression, and even schizophrenia can be treated with simple medication and handled. Many people manage to live happy, fulfilled lives along with having a successful relationship with the proper help. But the keyword here is “with the proper help” – somebody who refuses help while still repelling everybody who comes near is going to need to get their own life together before being involved in yours.