Dating - Don't Let Breaking Up Break You

A subject that's not brought up often on dating blogs is what to do after a relationship ends. We Love Dates has some great advice. It is true that you have to give yourself a mourning period. After all, a relationship has died - the people go on, but the love is gone. Yeah, sure, pay your respect to the late date. Then follow this checklist after you're done with theirs:

1. Treat yourself to a night out, dine out, bring a book.
2. Buy yourself a couple special treats for enjoying at home.
3. Buy at least one new outfit. Something splashy that will boost your confidence.
4. Stay up all night playing video games or watching movies in your underwear.
5. Now get your tail back out there and date again!

Ideas For What To Do On A Geek Date

This list on geek dating ideas made us laugh, smile, and sigh, because it's so funny, sweet, and cute. We just can't resist the simple charm of two brainy sweethearts settling down for a Dungeons & Dragons session.

What's the big deal with "geek" dating? Well, with geeks, you know that they have a bright career ahead of them, and they're moderately reliable, stable, and faithful. But they take some special handling. They won't like many mainstream things, and some of them you have to drag out of the house or they'll live like a potted plant in front of their XBox 360 all day.

But it's worth it to know that you'll be there with them at a ComicCon when they get a signed Liefeld in their mitts. As you watch them bounce around with giddy schoolyard happiness, you'll be thinking "He's never going to cheat on me, beat me, or get hooked on drugs. This is as annoying as he's ever going to get." Sure, honey, let's go look at the Starship Enterprise model now.

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Single Men: How To Be MANLY

Hi, guys! Looking around the web dating scene, particularly internationally, I notice that some of you tend to have some problems with this whole being-one-of-the-guys thing. No, it's not your fault! We've had a couple of generations of declining marriage (more single parents, fewer dad role models), "political correctness" (and the people who mis-apply it), and "feminazis" (as opposed to true feminists). This tends to sap the testosterone out of the dating pool until we have a bunch of metrosexuals standing around complaining that they get friend-zoned all the time.

If that means you, here's the emergency fathering in the art of manliness you should have had:

Never say "It's too hard." or "It's not fair." Say "I'll handle it." Guys are not sexy when they're passively sitting there waiting for life to happen around them. What are you, a feather blowing in the breeze, or a charging bull who will take charge of their own destiny?

You don't have to explain for yourself so much. Why did you go out for a walk alone last night? Because you're a guy. Why do you insist on fixing your own brakes instead of turning the car over to the shop? Because you're a guy. Why do you swear so much? Because you're a guy. No, don't even explain that part. Just be. And please stop announcing "I have to go to the bathroom" and then standing there like you're waiting for somebody to give you permission to pee.

When you hit on a girl, make it clear. Not "Do you maybe want to hang out some time?" like you're inviting your sister to your clubhouse. It's "I enjoy being with you and I'd really like to take you out next weekend at 6 PM." Wow! Decisive, confident, assured!

Challenge yourself. I don't mean "challenge yourself" to finish the last eight levels of Call of Duty on nightmare difficulty, either. I mean take up new skills, seek a promotion at work, fix things, strike out for new horizons, climb a mountain. It's not so much the sexist ideal of "be a hero for your damsel", now it's more about "quit being a mama's boy still living in your parents basement who whines about everything."

Read! I know, you're reading this blog right now. But do you know when we poll women and ask "what's the first thing you notice when you visit a guy's place for the first time", one of the top answers is "whether he has books on his shelf"? A guy who reads is someone with an opinion more relevant than "I dunno" and conversational topics beyond sports and video games. He's someone who thinks and has ideas. Even just a couple of dime-store paperbacks tossed around for appearances' sake is something.

Further reading: Art of Manliness.

Signs Of Trustworthiness In A Mate

Don't worry if you have some anxiety when you start entering into a serious relationship. It's human! We've all been lied to at least once, and those heels who use us and leave us are the ones making it bad for the rest of us. When you're wondering whether you and your online dating partner are developing a trusting relationship, here are five signs of reassurance:

1. They don't have a dysfunctional history of relationships - This is a big one that many people miss. A floozie with twenty disaster stories about past relationships is likely going to make you #21.


2. They have integrity with everyone else - From the busboy to the boss to their mother to the police, they lead an honest life.


3. They're accessible - Every time you call, they answer. Every time you want to see them, it's "come right over".


4. They spend their free time with you - Obviously, the more time they spend with you, the less time they spend looking for anybody else.


5. They've let you meet their friends - This is the most promising sign of all. When you've been proudly introduced to everyone, it means they intend to make you a permanent fixture.

Dating - How to Tell When You Have a Codependent Partner

Every now and then, we see people asking if something is wrong with their boyfriend or girlfriend. It's good to take a refresher course in potentially damaging relationships, such as this WebMD article on recognizing codependents.

Along with this article, here's some quick warning signs:

• They never seem to have fun. Their emotions are suppressed in everything, in fact; everything is "just OK" with them.


• Low self-esteem. Never feeling that they're good enough.


• The slightest change upsets them.


• Impulsive. They never think a relationship problem through, instead just looking for a quick fix.


• Zero self-confidence, as if they still thought of themselves as children.


• Clingy and insecure.


• Fear of strong emotions. Especially internalizing everything that's around them, like if you got upset because your car broke down they'll think you're mad at them.


• They're a living doormat.

The thing with codependents is, sure you can love them and even have a relationship with them, but they will burn you out. The load is all on you. If you think you have a codependent, consider counseling and therapy to try to treat issues, and also consider that they may be diagnosed with anxiety or depression, which tends to go together with codependent behavior.

eHarmony's New 12 Rules of Dating - Some Amendments

Eh, we might as well netter about this eHarmony list, posting their 12 rules of dating. eHarmony somehow became the AOL/Yahoo of dating sites, and we mean that in the "get with the times, grandpa!" way. But they've nevertheless stumbled upon a decent list, much of it being the same things we say here all the time, only without the needless slideshow of stock images to go with each paragraph.

Some more things to consider:

Get used to getting less attention - The electronic age is filled with distractions, and it's also brought global reach to our fingertips. The result: more Long-Distance Relationships between people who are too busy half the time with work, school, and recreation. Having a relationship in the 2000s might mean less cuddle-time and more a text message between breakfast and the 6 o'clock news.

Be more forgiving of faults - The eHarmony list makes a point, twice, that your online history and every drunken picture of yourself is online forever for everyone to see. Yes, and the flipside of that is that we can all stand to be a little more tolerant of a potential mate's dirty laundry. Because we all have our own, don't we?

Show off more - To add to the whole "your online history is with you forever" thing: what about if you left some positive things for potential dates to find? Your blog about your crazy hobby, your discussion online where you gave some helpful advice to a clueless newbie, your membership in the Electronic Frontier Foundation, pictures of you accepting first place in the spelling-bee contest. People today are looking for deep, multifaceted personalities, people who are driven and passionate and accomplish things.

Be more secure and self-confident - Quit worrying about yourself so much! If you even care about being attractive, you're ahead of most of the heels out there already.

Shocking News: Looking "Too Good" Can Sabotage Your Online Dating Prospects!

Here's the story, read it yourself: OKCupid research reveals that better-looking gals have worse luck through the site. Since the story doesn't go too deep into the speculation, allow us to give you some ideas as to why this might be true:

1. Guys thinking "She's out of my league!" Guys have a very specific idea of what kind of woman will usually settle for them. They get rejected all the time. Years of yes-or-no feedback gives them great statistical data on their batting averages.

2. Guys thinking "She's too high maintenance!" The more mature gentleman knows that girl-next-door good looks will do just fine, but when you get into super-model territory, you know that with that hot body is going to come a requirement to work out all the time and stay on a restrictive diet - hardly the recipe for a fun party girl! It's a stereotype, but sometimes it's true.

3. Guys thinking "She's fake!" Let's face it, this is the era of computing when a suspiciously perfect photo may mean: (a) it's not yours, (b) it was a long time ago, (c) maybe you're a scammer, or (d) it's been Photoshopped. In this era of computer CGI blowing away every movie in the theaters and every photo on a magazine cover being airbrushed to robotic perfection, a few extra pounds and the occasional bad hair day or visible mole feels refreshingly... honest. True, you may be 100% legit and look like a movie-star anyway - but how do you assure them of that?

4. Guys who are genuinely into alternative ideas about beauty. Just like not every lady wants a man with washboard abs and a chiseled chin, not every man wants a perfect Barbie doll. There's even - God bless them! - a segment of men who prefer overweight women; they're called 'BBW' for 'big beautiful woman'. Other men are just a freak for a freckly face, dark hair, or plain-Jane 'girl next door' looks.

OK, don't go running out and try to make yourself uglier just based on one site survey! But take it for the encouraging news that just because you have one or two imperfections doesn't mean that you're out of the game.

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Dating Research Uncovers Two Different Types of Friends with Benefits Relationships

Initial research on casual sex has revealed two different types of friends with benefits relationships.

“Pure” friends with benefits occur between existing friends and involve physical gratification, as well as emotional intimacy.

“Sex buddy” relationships tend to occur with strangers or acquaintances and only involve physical gratification. If you’ve experienced either of these relationships we’d love to hear your experiences.

Take part in our online survey

The Importance of Sound Judgment in Online Dating

We've probably seen the rules of safe online dating before, but it's always good to take a refresher course. This guide on sound online dating judgment is a very thorough one. It seems to be written a little more from the female point of view, but men should remember that there's a few risks for them too, from time to time. OK, Tarzans? Remember that not every Jane you find has your best interests at heart.

"Sound judgment" is a phrase you almost don't hear these days. Everybody's afraid to judge. "Oh, I don't want to exclude anybody or hurt their feelings." Yes, but there are places in the world with predators stalking who barely can be said to have feelings at all! Judgment is really made up of instinct and experience.

Your instinct comes form your animal side. Years of evolution has shaped our responses to our environment in uncountable little ways, most of them unnoticeable. The shot of adrenalin that follows a "flight or fight" response, the urge to utter a noise when something startles you, and the prickly feeling on your arms and neck when something spooks you are all bits of animal instinct that follows back to our earliest ancestors. Listen to your instincts, and they'll usually read you the right way.

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A New Advice Expert For the Ladies

We like what we hear so far about Dr. Diana Kirschner's new book, Love in 90 Days: The Essential Guide to Finding Your Own True Love. Especially since the article lists four disastrous dating patterns that women fall into.

Let's play a fun challenge and see if we can come up with four corresponding disastrous dating habits in men:

• The Recluse - It corresponds to the female hermit, but the male doesn't think he'll be better off alone. No, he desperately wants a mate, but is too painfully shy to go talk to anybody. Basically the only chance he gets for a girlfriend is if a female cat burglar breaks into his apartment.


• The Player - The opposite, this is a man with too much confidence, a copy of "The Art of the Pick-Up" in his pocket, and an ego which needs to constantly be fed with fresh women.


• The White Knight - Mr. Nice Guy who always ends up in the friendzone. Need we say more?


• The Unicorn - A roaring bore who can't shut up about how special and unique he is. So much so that he has to examine each woman with a magnifying glass and find her at fault. It's probably for the best anyway.

Did we get those right or not? Have all the ladies met at least one of each?