Dating apps and social media have made it easier to meet new people. Most people you match with are there for the same reasons you are. A small number are not. Some create fake profiles to win your trust and then take your money.
The government’s Scamwatch service calls these relationship scams. It says scammers use romance, dating or friendship to earn your trust and steal your money. This guide covers how the scams work, the warning signs to look for and what to do if something feels wrong.
How relationship scams work
According to Scamwatch, scammers find people on social media, dating apps and even gaming platforms. They often use fake profiles, and some pretend to be famous people. Scamwatch notes that they can spend years building your trust. That patience is part of what makes these scams so hard to spot.
Once the trust is there, the scam usually goes one of two ways. The person asks for money to fix an urgent problem, or they push you to invest, often in cryptocurrency. Scamwatch is blunt about the result. Either way, the money is lost.
The investment version can be harder to recognise. There may never be a direct request for a loan. Instead, your new match offers to show you how to make easy money and walks you through it. It feels like help from someone who cares, which is exactly the point.
Warning signs in the early messages
The first red flag is often speed. Scamwatch lists a relationship that moves fast, with strong feelings declared early, as a common sign. This is often called love bombing, and it tends to come with constant messages or calls. Real feelings can grow quickly too, so treat speed as a reason to slow down rather than proof of a scam.
Another sign is a push to leave the dating app. Scammers often ask to move the chat to a free messaging app such as WhatsApp, WeChat or LINE. On the dating platform, you can report and block an account that worries you. Once you move away, those tools no longer help you.
Several other signs tend to show up as the relationship goes on. None of them prove a scam on their own. Scamwatch lists these as signs to watch for:
- They always have a reason not to meet in person or video chat, such as being overseas, being somewhere remote or having technology problems.
- They want the relationship kept secret and may try to cut you off from family and friends.
- Their profile does not match what they tell you about themselves.
- They claim an emergency and need money.
- They ask you to set up accounts or move money for them.
- They ask for personal photos, videos or details that could be used against you later.
- They get angry when you ask questions or threaten to end the relationship.
One sign alone may have an innocent explanation. A few together are a strong reason to stop and check. If you feel guilty for even asking questions, notice that feeling, because pressure and guilt are tools scammers rely on.
How to check a profile
Scamwatch suggests a few ways to spot a fake profile. Look for photos that seem too professional, or that are blurry and unclear. Be wary of an account that has not been active for long, has very little personal information and has few or no social connections. A profile with few comments, likes or shares from other people is another sign.
You can also do some simple checks yourself. Search the person’s name along with the word scam and see what comes up. Run a reverse image search on their photos, which can show if the same pictures appear elsewhere under other names. Clear tools for reporting and blocking are among the website design principles for online dating sites that make checks like these easier.
Protecting yourself and your money
The clearest rule from Scamwatch is simple. Never send money, card or bank details, personal information or identity documents to someone you only know online. That includes small amounts and loans that are promised back soon. If you have never met them in person, the answer is no.
Scamwatch also warns against transferring money for someone else. Doing so may involve you in money laundering. It can sound like a harmless favour for a partner who is stuck overseas. It is not, so say no and stop contact.
Take things slowly and ask plenty of questions. Watch for answers that change or do not add up. Talk to people you trust about the relationship rather than keeping it secret, since they may spot warning signs you miss. Trust and money mix in every kind of relationship, and problems can arise even in long marriages, such as when a partner wastes assets during a divorce.
Scamwatch also advises against sending intimate images to someone you only know online. Scammers may use them to threaten or blackmail you. Be careful too about how much you share online about your job, hobbies and family. Those details can be used to build a story that feels personal.
What to do if you think you have been scammed
Act fast if you have sent money or shared bank details. Scamwatch advises contacting your bank or card provider straight away and asking them to stop any transactions. Change the passwords on your devices and accounts, including banking, email, government and shopping accounts. Then cut all contact with the scammer.
You do not have to work through the next steps alone. IDCARE is a free national identity and cyber support service for Australia and New Zealand. It can help you plan how to limit the damage. You can also report the scam to Scamwatch, which helps stop it and warn others.
Being scammed can be upsetting, and many people feel embarrassed. Scamwatch points people in emotional distress to Lifeline, which offers support by phone, text and online chat. Looking after your mind matters as much as recovering money, and simple habits like meditation for mental focus may help you feel calmer. The person at fault is the scammer, not you.
Dating again after a scam
It can take time to feel ready to date again after being targeted. That is normal. Starting fresh does not mean giving up on online dating, just using the checks above from the first message. Honest people will understand if you want to take things slowly or have a video call before anything else. Broken trust hurts whether it comes from a stranger or a spouse, even though the law often sees it differently, as with infidelity in divorce proceedings.
Frequently asked questions
Can a romance scammer be someone I met on a real dating app?
Yes. Scamwatch says scammers find people on dating apps as well as on social media and gaming platforms. A profile on a well known app is no guarantee that the person is genuine.
What if they will never video chat?
Be careful. Scamwatch lists always having a reason not to meet or video chat as a warning sign. Common excuses include being overseas, being somewhere remote or having technology problems.
They want me to invest in crypto. Is that a scam?
It may well be. Scamwatch says relationship scammers may encourage people to invest, often in cryptocurrency, once an emotional connection has formed. Do not invest on the advice of someone you only know online.
Should I report a scam even if I did not lose money?
Yes. Scamwatch says reporting a scam helps stop it and warn others. You can also report the profile to the dating app or social media platform where you met.
This article is general information only. If you have lost money, contact your bank first and then reach out to the support services mentioned above.