Moving from messages to a first meeting is an exciting step. It is also the point where a bit of planning matters most. Most dates go fine, but a few simple precautions cost nothing and give you more control.
The eSafety Commissioner publishes practical online dating safety advice for this stage. This guide draws on that advice, from setting up your profile to what to do if something goes wrong. It covers the steps before, during and after a first date.
Why a little planning helps
Online dating has real benefits. The eSafety site notes it can help people who find it hard to meet others because of where they live, accessibility needs or caring responsibilities. There are also platforms for different relationship types, interests and identities. The risks are real too, though.
eSafety cites a 2022 study in which 72.3% of Australian dating app users had experienced online sexual harassment, aggression or violence from someone met on a dating platform. That covered the previous five years. The same study found 34.0% had experienced this in person. Those figures are a good reason to plan first meetings with care.
Start with a safer profile
Safety starts before you match with anyone. The eSafety site suggests sharing as little personal information as you can, and perhaps using only a first name or nickname. It also suggests avoiding profile photos that appear elsewhere online, because a reverse image search can find them. Do not link your dating app to your social media accounts.
Turn on multi factor authentication and use a strong password that you do not use anywhere else. The eSafety site also advises against sharing images of children on a dating profile, even if you are in the photo. Check the privacy settings and adjust them to suit you. Some apps let you hide or approximate your location. Settings that are easy to find are one of the website design principles for online dating sites that help users stay safe.
Getting to know them first
Keep your conversations inside the app at first. The eSafety site points out that the app’s safety features only work there. A quick push to move to another messaging app is one of the red flags it lists. So is a profile that does not match how the person behaves, or constant excuses to avoid a video call or meeting.
eSafety also lists love bombing as a warning sign, meaning excessive flattery and a romance that escalates very quickly. Watch for requests for detailed personal information such as your birth date, workplace or family details. These can be used to steal your money or identity, or for doxxing. Pressure to send nude images, or to meet quickly in a way that feels unsafe, is a red flag too.
It is always fine to say no. You can decline to keep chatting, decline to meet or stop contact at any point. The eSafety site also encourages taking regular breaks from dating apps to look after your wellbeing. Online dating does not define your worth.
Before you meet
Take screenshots or photos of the person’s profile and your messages before the date. The eSafety site notes that this helps if you need to make a report later, even if the person blocks or unmatches you. It takes a minute and you will probably never need it. If you do, you will be glad you have it.
Tell a friend or family member where you are going, who you are meeting and when. The eSafety site suggests you also consider sharing your location with them. Agree on a time to check in, and a simple message that means you want a call. Trust your instincts, and if someone makes you uncomfortable, you do not have to meet them.
It also helps to choose a first date that suits you. The eSafety site says you only need to meet face to face when you are ready, and in a way that feels safe and comfortable to you. A relaxed daytime activity can take the pressure off, and later on you might join friends for some outdoor games for adult groups. A little pampering beforehand, such as one of these food based skin care recipes, can help you feel ready.
Feeling nervous before a first date is normal. A few slow breaths or a short session of meditation for better focus may settle the nerves before you walk in. Nerves are not the same as a gut feeling that something is wrong, though. If something feels off, listen to it.
During and after the date
On the date, stay in control of how much you share. You do not need to give your home address, workplace or surname straight away. Keep your phone charged and with you. If the person pushes your boundaries or makes you feel unsafe, you can leave at any time.
eSafety is clear that if someone harms you during a meeting, it is not your fault. Afterwards, the same warning signs still apply. Continued contact after you have said no can become cyberstalking, which eSafety lists as a red flag. Interest in your children, including asking to meet while they are present, is another.
If something goes wrong
eSafety suggests collecting evidence first, including what happened, where and when. Then report the abusive profile or messages to the dating platform. If the platform does not act and the harm is serious, you can report it to eSafety. For image based abuse, eSafety asks people to report to it straight away.
If someone is blackmailing you, stop contact and do not pay or send anything more. Use the ignore, hide or mute settings to stop further contact, and consider blocking once you have kept your evidence. If family, domestic or sexual violence or coercive control is involved, eSafety advises making an online safety plan before blocking or reporting. Abusers may escalate if they learn you are seeking help.
Support is available. The eSafety site points people to counselling and specialist support services. If you are in immediate danger, contact emergency services. You do not have to deal with it alone.
The Online Dating Code
Several major dating companies have signed a voluntary Online Dating Code, created after a 2023 national roundtable on online dating safety. The eSafety site lists signatories including Match Group, Bumble, Grindr and Spark. The code requires reporting systems for potential harm, and signatories must publish their own compliance ratings. An independent industry committee enforces it, and eSafety has no enforcement role under the code.
Frequently asked questions
Is photo verification on a dating app proof of identity?
Not quite. The eSafety site says photo verification only confirms that the photo matches the person using the account. It does not confirm who they actually are.
Should I keep chatting on the app or move to text?
eSafety suggests keeping conversations on the app, because its safety features only work there. A quick push to move to another messaging app is one of its listed red flags. You can share your number later once you trust the person.
What should I do before blocking someone?
Collect evidence first, such as screenshots of the profile and messages. The eSafety site suggests blocking after you have that evidence. If violence or coercive control is involved, make an online safety plan before you block or report.
This article is general information only. If you feel unsafe, contact emergency services or a specialist support service.